Uncle Pat’s a very brave man
But he’d better run as fast as he can
And, as he weaves from side to side
He’ll soon learn there’s no place to hide.
A contract’s been made
The money paid
And the boy’s are checking their guns
There’s the water, cap and popper
As well as the one that stuns –
(From any one he’ll come a cropper).
They’ll track him down wherever he is
To tickle his funny bone
And when he wants to surrender
He’ll find it’s too far gone,
They’ll muss him up and wet his hair
And stick blue tac upon his chair –
All trussed up, it’s then goodbye
As he ends up in a squirrel pie.

28 September 1998